ANXIETY

 Ever felt so powerless that waking up felt like impossible. You wake up and you totally feel aimless. Well, lately I feel that way every day. I didn't even feel like writing and so I am typing.

My anxiety is too much right now but justified. I don't know what's gonna happen. Is he gonna live or not? That's a question for which we are seeking an answer desperately and we are hoping it to be a positive one. Like I've said before I want him to live a stress-free life. A life, where he doesn't have to be worried about paying bills, fees for our education, his job anything. Just enjoy his life. Travel to all his places, eat all he wants to eat, feel healthy, and is not like a patient. It sucks that he has to see all this and bear all this pain. AGAIN. God, please PLEASE IF YOU'RE DO THIS ONE LAST THING FOR ME. KEEP MY FAMILY HEALTHY AND SAFE AND NO ONE IN MY FAMILY DIES BEFORE THE AVERAGE LIFE EXPECTANCY AGE. I want him to retire at 60. I want my kids to meet my kids. I want him to see so many things. I want my family to smile with no worries for once.

There are so many things that trigger me into the spiral of losing control and an eventual breakdown. Why I experience anxiety:

1. Dad's Health - I am not in this alone. REMEMBER THIS.

2. every time my family falls sick - I am not in this alone. REMEMBER THIS.

3. every time my family says no to me - Well, you gotta be independent girl. You're dealing with this because you are lazy and low will-powered. Don't you want ot have  astronger will power?

Ps: I changed the title to my anxiety from Control.