A little Heart to Heart

 Last time I wrote this blog I stopped midway because I was to depressed to write any further.

But honestly, I am at a point in life where I don't know how to help myself anymore. Like, what should I do to really help myself. where to begin.

I know I want to be an actress. I know I need to learn and practice acting. For joining classes, I need money. Also, Pandemic is making situation even worse. I honestly don't want to join any online classes. I personally find it useless. I will have to move to mumbai and then make contacts , find a gig. But Mumbai is pretty expensive so yeah again MONEY. 

My life is literally at the lowest (I know It can go worse) though. I have been quite passive aggresive with my job hunt. I am just sending my application , not getting any responses. And got rejected I the only interview I gave. I think I need to focus on mandatory skills first. Then focusing on other skills later.

But I also don't want to give up everything altogether as it took me a long time to come this far already. So yeah, I really don't wanna give up altogether.

I need to see through that as well. ughhhh I've never felt more pressured and stressed in my life honestly.

I reallyyyyy need to earn in order to do something with life. To do anything in life infact.

And as of my faith is concerned. I don't really have the patience to sit and wait for something else to show it's magic. I would rely on myself and waste my time rather than praying and begging.

I don't want to beg anymore. Also, there are so many rules and regulations into praying. Like I would rather work on my skills and get my job done on my own then. It's too much of a hassle.

I am thinking of various ways to help myself. and can't find a resonable thing to begin with. So far the most resonable thing to do is to find a good btech job. I did thought of starting my own YouTube Channel or a professional IG account etc. Nut there are already people who are sooooo fucking good at it that I feel useless.

The reason I didn't start off with cooking or any other activity is that If it doesn't come out the way I expected and I get highly demotivated. 

But everything needs investments and not just by money but also by time and effort.

I guess my first effort would be to find a job or gain enough skills to work through my current jobs. Honestly, If I stay here till Delhi till pandemic I wouldn't mind at all. I would end up saving a lot . I mean it would be like at least I am not loosing a saddle. So yeahhhhhhh

I gotta think of something pretty fast.